Sunday, December 8, 2013

Two productivity pro-tips for fathers

People often ask me how I do it all. "You have four kids! That's insane!" Hah. We know people with eight and they're just warming up.

My method? Here's 1000+ words:

Me and baby E.A.S. at the helm.

A breakdown:

  1. Noise-canceling headphones. If you're easily distracted like me, you need to tune the world out. I like to just turn them on for silence, which works pretty well even in the midst of three simultaneous emotional meltdowns. When I need to power through, I like house music. Sometimes bluegrass. I find myself River-dancing on occasion.
  2. A baby wrap. If I'm on baby duty, the wrap is indispensable. On occasion, when the work doesn't require a lot of brain, I'll wear a backpack with a kid on my six as well.
    • Wait -- what's that under-30 millennial or perpetual adolescent? I've handed my whats over for safe-keeping? I'm what-whipped? Let me tell you something about the world, son: this wrap is standard issue for men. You know what I'm doing with that baby strapped to my chest? I'm building an empire, son. I'm taking risks. I'm putting my whole livelihood, and that of my family, on the line. I'm doing it in the midst of a domestic warzone that would leave you weeping for your momma and the safety of a wrap just like this one. Sit down.
  3. (Bonus) A stand-up desk (not pictured.) Got little ones with no respect for property rights or any comprehension of what liquids to do laptops? You gotta get yourself a stand-up desk. Aside from the security benefits, it's great for your back -- particularly if you're carrying a heavy front load of infant. And it poises you physically and psychologically for battle. 
  4. (Bonus)Wine or something stronger (not pictured). Because of course.

There's a friendly pro-tip for all you folks out there trying to build empires with little ones setting the place on fire. That's a freebie.

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